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<title>eating bluberries: little small pebbles</title></head><br>
middle aged women .. who have given up all hope of ambitions,
and resorted to checking out 24 romance novels at a time on weekends.
- stuck in my face -
here is your future if you dont aspire kid.
good luck.
ive been told a lot of things in my life.
oohhaoaohahoowhoooooohhhoaaaaa.
i think if i just put a flower in my hat everything will be alright.
sometimes i miss the days when i didnt know i wasnt any dumber than all
the rest. . when i could think that there was always someone out there who knew
better than i did myself.
simple frustration.
i could handle that.
i am suddenly placed in a realm where nothing has to make sense.
and i find, that those who appeared to know, were only choosing to never find
out. by giving themselves unexplained answers- and dictated absolutes.
sitting down doing nothing in particular, is a sense of dying.
"relaxation" is ignoring all false realities. and remembering you are
just a traveler- journeying through a strange, and unconquered province.
noone wants to leave.
we like to know.
know there is gravity. know there is others. know there is still the sun and the moon
how do i accept this at all?
we know nothing.
time is a convenient theory.
other people know only what they want to know.
the earth is only one of many many others...
How can i take the explanation i am given-- of the unexplainable?
why am i ignored and scoffed.
as a cynic- as someone who is stuck in a haze of listlessness and "if onlys".
certainly those who question deserve more than a turned back.
realizing there is two dimensions of conciousness.
two dimensions of perception::
those outside of society and media.
and those inside.
beauty fashion glamour glitz passion movies babies caves animals coral reefs.
then there is whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
why am i here..
where did it come from.
where did the proof that it came from whence, come from?
and why do i have to acknowledge this?
why do others ignore it?
why does the mediaahhhhhh ignore it?
(and)- are they concious of the two perception realms?
and all i can really hope to obtain in this world is either
^ understanding. 2 ^ love.
and the list ends there.
i shake my head and swallow at this.
thinking of more than one way to approach it at once.
limits are the only true contagious symptom of society.
limits here limits there.
ink does not equate to absolute.
do not beleive what you read.
understand you are only reading it.
you are in control - as much as the ink is in control.
read- dont read.
criticize- believe.
change.
adopt.
its all one to me.
termed " everyday life" . by the average mind.
average.. being another thing that human beings have limited themselves to.
those who have not made as many answers for themselves as others have.
those who do not choose to waste time on futile "understanding."
sickening.
twist your head around once more and look at me.
you have many many moods inside your tiny mass.
why show me one? . show me !
two.
drifting inbetween "sane thought" and crazy sporadic "ideas"
reason and illogical ramblings.
i need one to prove the other.
reason is a state of mind.
and how can there be one moment when you dont know what to say?
never say you dont know what to say.
especially aloud,
its impudent.
you know that you need to say "i dont know what to say"
yet ..you apparently dont know what to say.
say.. say..
you could say-
"aAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
so do it.
you could say nothing.
OHH There is something new!
communication is less limited if you view it in broad terms.
there is a few meanings in that.
look for them.
if you dont care why are you reading?
why is it you dont need to read if you dont care?
do whatever you want.
- this may or may not work out for you-
formulated thought is something only the timid/smart people do.
see- sometimes limits are imposed on us by means of characterization.
now dont y!
ou think your world is FUCKED UP for all this?
fucked up for having people who cannot think within one boundary exclusively????
like me.
mixing the reason and illogical ramblings.
your world- your reality . and * your * sanity.
not mine.
not my brothers brothers friend.
yours.
individual and unceasingly painful all the time.
sanity.
sometimes you need to just forget you know what sanity is.
forget and return by someone elses demeans.
go to hell and come back.
pray to mary.
buy a watch.
get "essential vitamins and nutrients."
THEN there is the mood that pops out before i DIE COMPLETELY
when i say it doesnt matter what i know
accept it and savor it.
love someone.
feel raw emotions ( unexplained because they dont work any other way)
get happy/
feel remorse.
dye your hair.
swear as loud as you can in the supermarket.
help an old woman across the street.
smile at a person in a visibly mean mood.
listen to music.. just lose yourself and dance.
all these thoughts are COMING OUT OF MY MINDDDDD
melding into yours!
your. mind. is being invaded by my sanity. my world. my reality.
my mood/my conciousness.
and i feel like ive done this before.
what is that?
why is it something that matters?
..
sometimes you understand me sometimes you dont.
.. see, we are not the same person
we are only alike in some aspects.
we are alike in all aspects?
things are generalized and stripped of detail.
then we are all the same.
we are all in !
satans death camps.
we fight.
we survive.
there comes another form of satan.
there comes another war..
regenerating and monotonizing things.
inthe general aspect.... cours.e.
there is country identified accents and kisses
and rolling hills of rich dirt.
there is the articles " a an (and) the"
how useful.
bored yet? is your mind controlling your body once more?
telling you to stop reading? stop taking interest. it isnt IMPORTANT.
tell me, what is important?
and then-
why?
( all this ran through my head as you spoke)
i wrote this yesterday while typing for no direct purpose.
everything is everywhere.
i walk downstairs, and dinner is on the stove. and my mom is vaccuuming.
none of it makes sense.
/hannah.